


And I Want These Words to Make Things Right

by edibna



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: And that the CGs don't remember what happened, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Following Change your Mind, Following the idea that Rose is truly gone, Gen, Spoilers for Episode: s05e29-32 Change Your Mind, family bonds, steven and the crystal Gems
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-28
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-10-18 09:06:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17577935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/edibna/pseuds/edibna
Summary: In the time since returning from Homeworld, Steven and the Crystal Gems find themselves so busy, that Steven hasn't been able to let them know what happened between him and White Diamond.





	And I Want These Words to Make Things Right

**Author's Note:**

> My first work in this fandom! I am so excited to post this, Change Your Mind completely blew my expectations, and naturally I had to write something. This is the first time I have felt inspired in too long. 
> 
> Please excuse any errors, I read this over once so something may have totally slipped through.

 

After the dust settled, and the battle was over, cleanup took much longer than anyone anticipated. The corrupted gems were back, and awake, but none of them knew the _truth_. None of them knew what had happened, or who their leader was. 

The diamonds didn’t even take their own gems back to Homeworld, not that Steven expected them to. That left hostile gems, like Jasper, sitting around Earth, wondering why they had been left behind. When Steven tried to ask why the diamonds didn’t want them, Yellow had simply said, “We have to get back to Homeworld to fix the damage. They will be fine here with you. After all, they were Pink’s troops.” 

Steven didn’t argue with them. He figured there was a limited amount of patience all of them, especially White, had with waiting around on Earth. So when they left, Steven and the Crystal Gems had to pick up the pieces, and figure out what to do with the gems on Earth. 

And that took time. There were plenty of discussions on who to tell about the identity of Rose Quartz, and even before that problem was solved, there were discussions on where these gems would live, without invading the human life that already lived there. 

Most were understandably upset that they were left behind, and some even thought they needed to colonize the planet. That led to many heated arguments on both sides, until Steven finally had to step in, both as himself, and as Pink Diamond. 

Those that knew of who he was, insisted on treating him like a diamond, which brought too many memories back of the diamonds ignoring his identity and calling him Pink. He didn’t want to be saluted, or even revered, but the gems were hard-wired into thinking that way, and he found himself having to be a leader even though he didn’t want to be. 

Steven didn’t have many moments to stop and think about what things had changed. He felt that he was constantly fixing problems since he found out Rose was Pink Diamond, and he, the person who was arguably the most affected by it all, hadn’t had time to truly come to terms with who he was at this point. With the added strain of what had happened on homeworld with White, he constantly felt overwhelmed. 

It didn’t occur to him until he was cooking dinner by himself while the gems were busy, that none of them knew what had transpired after they were taken over by White. Steven even still shuddered thinking about it, how he felt, how he almost died. He had never meant to keep it from them, but they had been so busy with keeping things running, that there simply hadn’t been time. 

Even without Garnet’s future vision, Steven knew that there were many options of what could happen. First, with the new evidence that his mom was completely gone, and it was only him, could make them feel sad, and renew their grief over their lost friend. Alternatively, they could easily be angry with White Diamond for almost killing him, and want to turn away from the truce they had barely achieved. 

And Steven wouldn’t blame them. While he had worked with White Diamond to help the corrupted gems on Earth, he knew they still fundamentally disagreed on many things. He didn’t know where Homeworld stood on creating new colonies, or shattering gems, but he knew White Diamond still wanted to be perfect, and expand their empire. Steven knew he had made a small difference in the gem, but he didn’t know how much that had affected her. 

And Steven didn’t want to go back to find out anytime soon. 

The only person who truly knew what had happened on that day was Connie and White Diamond. White had never mentioned it, even when they were traveling back, so Steven was unsure if she was grieving Pink, or felt any level of shame for what she had done. 

Connie, on the other hand, felt as if she needed to be around to help as much as she could. After she had reunited with her parents, and assured them she was fine, she spent as much time helping Steven with the new gems as possible, as well as trying to calm situations where either someone would threaten Steven as Rose Quartz, or bow to him as Pink Diamond. 

Steven had been grateful for her help. He had been grateful for her friendship. As he had small dreams of Pink, he would tell her them, for she would completely understand that they were his dreams, and not Pink’s. Steven wasn’t so sure even the Crystal Gems would understand. 

However, he could never keep a secret for very long, not that he wanted to anyways. As time went on, everyone stayed a stable level of busy, and Steven found himself spending human time with his dad and Connie. 

On one day in particular, he was hanging out with Connie at the house, where he had made them some quick sandwiches. The gems were out, having gotten news that Jasper and Peridot had gotten into a major fight when Jasper accidentally ran into Lapis at the in-construction barn. He figured they would be out for awhile. 

“Hey,” Connie said, as they sat outside to look at the beach while they ate, “I know I ask this every time, but how do you feel? Has anything … felt off?” 

Steven sighed, “Not yet. I don’t think what White did to me had any permanent effects, other than my powers, I guess.” 

“Right,” Connie said, looking out into the beach. After Steven had reformed into one, whole being, his powers had become stronger, and more accessible. Steven thought it could have also had something to do with his dreams, or having so many gems look to him as Pink Diamond. “How do the gems feel about it?” 

“They haven’t really asked. I mean, I’m sure they know my powers are stronger, but I think they’re assuming it was the bath or something.” 

“Do they not know?” Connie asked. 

“Well, they didn’t have their memories when they woke up from White’s control, and I haven’t really had time to tell them.” Steven said. 

“But they might be able to help you. I know it’s been hard since you’ve gotten back. That day was … really scary. That was the closest I’ve ever come to losing you.”

“It was the closest I’ve ever come to losing myself.” Steven said quietly. He felt older, almost as old as the gems after that had happened. It felt like there was a before and after. He couldn’t look at things the same after he had lost his gem. 

“How have they not noticed your … gem?” Connie asked. 

“I don’t know.” Steven said, and raising his shirt to gaze at the gem that was always on his stomach. It had turned in his reformation. Once it was just like a Rose Quartz, round just like a belly button. But now, this was obviously a diamond, sitting on his stomach like it had always been there. “I guess we’ve all been so busy…” 

“Still, you need to tell them. I’m sure they deserve to know about your mom.” 

“But what if they’re angry with me? We all know how Pearl was when she had just found out about me, but Pink, and Rose… This is different now. We know she’s gone, and part of that is my fault.” 

“How is that your fault?” Connie asked, “You didn’t ask to be born.” 

“But I’m still here…” 

“Steven, you have to tell them eventually. Keeping secrets didn’t work out so well when your mom did it.” 

Steven sighed at the mention of his mom. “Yeah, you’re right.” 

“I’m sure they’ll be fine once they hear it. Give them time.” 

Steven didn’t know what to say, and he was thinking about changing the subject to something more lighthearted, but then Connie’s watch went off, reminding her it was time to hop on Lion and get home. Lately, she had been missing her curfew by a lot, choosing to hang out with Steven. But after a threat from her mom to ground her, she had been getting better. 

“I have to go. I could try to call and see if they will let me stay…” Connie said. 

“No, I should be fine.” Steven said, shaking his head. “Besides, I could go see Centi if I really get bored. She’s been adjusting well.” 

“Okay, as long as you’re sure.” Connie said, getting off the ground. She gave him a tight hug before he walked over to Lion, and waved once again before she left. Steven watched her go and took a deep breath. He turned around to go inside, only to see Amethyst staring at him with wide eyes. 

“Uh… you’re back early.” Steven said, “How much of that did you hear?” 

Amethyst didn’t answer. Her only answer was to turn on her heal and run into the house. Steven let out a panicked yelp and followed her. He was barely catching up to her when she burst through the door of the house and yelled, “Guys! White Diamond did something to Steven!” 

Steven, who was slightly out of breath, watched as Pearl and Garnet, who were sitting in the kitchen both looked shocked, but that quickly turned into anger. 

“Wait!” Steven said, “Wait! It was a while ago, and I’m fine! There’s no need for any attacking.” 

“Yeah, but from what I heard from you and Connie was that it was pretty messed up, even for us.” 

Steven felt his throat close up. He was not expecting to tell them so soon.

“Steven,” Pearl said in her firm, but concerned voice, “I thought you said that you were fine after we came back.” 

“I didn’t see anything to be concerned about in my future vision.” Garnet added. 

“I was fine, I am fine. What happened didn’t hurt me enough to cause lasting damage.” 

“Then, what did happen?” Amethyst said, “I knew that hunk of rock was too easily swayed.” 

Steven’s hand went to his gem. He gripped it tightly, just as he always did whenever he thought of that day. He was in some sort of paralysis. He didn’t want to speak, he didn’t know how to. How did one bring up their gem being ripped out of their human body? 

All of his family was staring at him curiously, until Garnet tensed up, understanding dawning on her. Steven was, in a way, grateful for her intelligence and her wit. It saved him having to explain in words, what happened. 

“No,” Garnet said, under her breath, “She didn’t.” 

“She didn’t, what?” Pearl said, looking at the fusion at a total loss. 

Steven opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out. Garnet walked over to him and knelt down, giving him a tight hug. He could tell by how she gripped his shirt, that she was beyond angry. 

“That should have never happened. I should have stopped it. I should have-“ 

Steven felt the tell tale shaking that meant she was coming apart, but he hugged her back and said, “I’m okay. No one could have known what she would do.” 

“Excuse me,” Pearl said, obviously unhappy about not being in the loop. Amethyst looked to be in a similar state. “But can someone explain exactly what happened?” 

Garnet stepped back, tears leaking out from behind her visor. 

“She took my gem.” Steven said simply, aided by Garnets support. 

Pearls anger instantly dropped. “She what?” 

“Like took it out of your body?” Amethyst asked. 

“No, that’s not possible. If she did, Steven shouldn’t be…” Realization dawned on Pearl in that moment. She regarded him with wide, teary eyes. “No… she didn’t.” 

“She did.” Steven said. 

“Dude, how are you alive?” Amethyst said, “How do you have your powers?” 

“Did Rose…” Pearl said. 

“No,” Steven said, firmly. “She’s gone.” 

Steven felt his powers rise to the surface at the mention of him being Pink, or Rose. He tried to keep them under control. 

“But there’s no way you could even be here,” Pearl said. 

“She’s gone!” Steven snapped. It was nothing like what his gem half did to White, but the wood cracked underneath him and the room shook. 

All of them but Steven struggled to keep their footing, and Garnet’s visor came off once the movement had settled. 

“You know.” Garnet said. “You know what you are.” 

“A fusion, right? Between my gem half and my human half.” 

“Wait, Garnet,” Pearl said, “You knew about this?”

“I knew part of it. I never knew what would happen to Steven if his gem was separated from his body.” 

Pearl and Amethyst looked at Steven with wide eyes, obviously expecting an explanation. 

“I was dying.” Steven said, “And my gem half, he stopped White when she tried to control him.” 

“You mean, it wasn’t Rose?”

“No, it was me.” Steven said, “I’m me.” 

Pearl had tears in her eyes, “So, she really did give up her form…”

“I’m sorry.” Steven said, looking at his feet. “It’s just me.” 

“Wait, dude, why are you apologizing?” Amethyst said, crossing her arms, “What happened to you was messed up. If she was still here, I’d go and give White Diamond and piece of my mind.” 

Steven looked down at the ground. Pearl was looking outside, looking lost, and Steven could only feel guilty for him just being him. 

“Steven,” Garnet said, “Don’t feel guilty for your mother being gone. She made her choice, and now you get to live and be happy, just as she wanted.”  

“But I know you guys miss her.” Steven said, “I know there are times you wish she was here, but she’s not! I’m not Rose, or Pink Diamond, not even my gem is anymore. I can’t… I don’t know if she will come back.” 

“We all knew this was a possibility.” Garnet said, her voice soft. “I knew more than anyone else, but Steven, we can miss Rose and love you at the same time. Just because we miss her never means that we don’t love you.” 

“Garnet’s right.” Pearl said, and she seemed to be back in the present, no longer thinking of Rose being gone. “We love you, Steven, and yes, we miss Rose, and a part of us will always miss her, but you and Rose are two separate people. I know that, now, and so does everyone else.” 

“But… you asked me if I had her memories.” Steven said, “Everyone asks me if I have her memories, and I don’t! Not all of them.” 

“Pearl...” Garnet said, a hint of dissatisfaction in her voice. 

“I was… wrong for saying that, Steven, and through you, I know that you are your own person. And that’s okay!” 

“Yeah man, you definitely aren’t Rose.” Amethyst said, “She was all secretive and mysterious, but you’re like an open book, and some of us … some of us really appreciate that.” 

Steven looked at all of them. Pearl still had a sad look in her gaze, but her eyes also held care and love. Garnet was smiling at him and Amethyst was looking away, no doubt embarrassed by what she had said. 

Garnet was the first one to move, and she hugged him once again. Pearl and Amethyst joined in soon after, and if it wasn’t for his strength, he probably would have fallen over by the sheer force of them showing their love. 

“We love you Steven.” Pearl said, “And if anyone,  _ anyone  _ ever puts you through that much pain again, I swear I will end their existence, even if they are a diamond.” 

Steven chuckled, feeling free for the first time is what felt like forever, “I don’t think anyone will do anything like that again. The gem side of me, kind of is immune to White’s mind control, she was pretty pissed.” 

“Wait, was that why she let us all go?” Amethyst asked. 

“No, she sort of accused me of acting like a child, and I … sort of said she was acting like a child too.” 

Amethyst laughed, “That’s better than Peri with Yellow Diamond.” 

“Oh, I would have loved to see that.” Pearl said.

“You got through to her in true Steven fashion.” Garnet said, pride in her voice. She ruffled his hair. “You did well.” 

Steven smiled at all of them, feeling like himself for the first time since everything happened. After a few minutes of talking, Steven asked if there was time for all of them to watch T.V. together, and he was delighted when they said yes. As they all walked up to his T.V., Steven spared a glance at the mural of his mother hanging over the door. He wasn’t sure what caught his eye, but he gave a slight smile at the mural before going to join the Crystal Gems in some much needed relaxation, with the knowledge that they still cared for him even though it was him, only him.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I know many love the idea of Rose/Pink coming back, but I felt the scene was so well done with Steven being himself through the entire thing. Either way, the whole season finale was well done. 
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it! Please leave a comment if you did!


End file.
